Not too long ago, I went through a very difficult lost. My Madison, an eight years old Shih tzu died of lung cancer. It was October 7th, 2006, and it still feels like yesterday. The acute pain has subsided some, but the sense of loss, the intense desire of touching my little guy and listening to him bark at the door every time I got home, even if I was only gone for a few minutes, is still as intense as it was then. I have lost other dogs before, but Madison lost was harder… We were very closed, always watching for each other, always there for each other. I still remember how devastated I felt when the veterinarian told me Madi's diagnosis. I just could not believe that was happening to him, and at such an early age. When I inquired to the Vet how could have Madi come up with lung cancer, when he was never exposed to cigarettes at home or any other toxic substances that I knew could cause lung cancer, her answer was "bad luck". And she was right it just felt like "bad luck" at the time. I have just have my father diagnosed with esophageal cancer a few months before Madi's diagnoses, and now Madi. I helped my father go through extensive surgery and many months of chemotherapy, and now that my father was finally feeling better, this was happening to Madi. Yes, back luck it was. But, over time I realized that it was not bad luck. I still don't know why Madi died so young, and with such a strange diagnosis, and I might never know, but I know that Madi's death was not in vane. Madi was a special "kid" and his death was a very hard learning experience, painful it was, and it still is. Madi, been gone from this world made me realized one more time how our stay here is just temporary, and how much we take it for granted. Madi did not have a chance, he died within two weeks of being diagnosed, but he did not worry, because he didn't have to, he didn't know how to. Madi had his mommy with him up to his last minute, to his last breath, as painful as it was for me, but he didn't deserve less, and I could not give him less. Putting Madi to sleep was one of the most difficult things I have ever done in my entire life, but I could not let him suffer, he did not deserve to suffer.

Now, Madi is not physically with "mommy" but his legacy has been an unforgettable one, with many memories of love, hugs, kisses, barks, tail wagging, laughs, even tears.

Madi was there with me always….

Madi, mommy loves you. I will always be with you, even when I am here. I promise, I promise.

"Mommy"

From the deepest part of my heart to Madi,

Dr. Alfonso

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 25th, 2007 at 2:42 pm and is filed under Cool Dog Memorial. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.