It just wasn't meant to be. Teddy, the Japanese Chin who was living with me after being found as a stray, had gone though one serious problem after another. He was blind, then underwent an operation to remove a lump on his tummy. It was cancer, but the vet felt he had some good quality time left. I wanted to bring the little boy home, use his time left to allow him to enjoy being being someone's very much loved pet.

I brought him home. He was so happy, his tail wagging, snuffling around to find Miss Kitty, he gave a quick lick to Jasper. He found his bed, turned around 100 times then had a nap. I was thrilled with all of this. He had never shown any of this before. When he woke up, he barked. Another first! I lay on my belly on the floor, Teddy climbed up onto my back, chewed my hair, washed Miss. Kitty who joined him, and when Jasper climbed up, Teddy booted him off.

When it was meal time, he actually followed me out to the kitchen, sat on his bum and barked. He ate his meal with noisy enjoyment, chasing that dish all over the kitchen. The entire day passed like this. A day of wonders for me, as Teddy was having fun. He played with Jasper, had a tug of war with him over an old sock. If I left the room, he followed, sometimes bumping into my legs. When a friend came to visit, she was really shocked over the difference in the little dog.

At bedtime, Teddy asked up onto my bed. Jasper has his little spot, Teddy curled up next to him. Miss. Kitty joined the dogs. They were all in a bundle, I watched them for the longest time before falling asleep. Jasper woke me, and I knew immediately Teddy had died. Still curled in a circle, he looked at peace. I held him close and felt my heart breaking into pieces. I had wanted the wee boy to enjoy the time left to him. I never dreamed he would leave so soon. He had one day where life was sweet, if dogs could giggle he would have done that non stop. He played like a puppy, relished every bite of food, enjoyed the company of another dog and his friend the cat. He followed me around, nudging me with his nose to be picked up.

I took him into the country where pets are laid to rest. He was placed under a willow tree. It's a beautiful spot. I'm sure where he is now, he will have his sight back. The pain he suffered at the hands of uncaring humans will be forgotten, but I won't forget him. I'll think of how his last day was, happy, full of doggy fun and love. When my group of rescue helpers, laid him to rest, Jasper watched. After we placed our flowers and teddy bears on his grave, Jasper turned into a whirlwind. He ran around, leaping in the air, barking, racing, it looked as if he was playing with another dog. He would play bow, tear off, turn around and face something we couldn't see.

A wind came up, blowing through the branches of the willow tree. Jasper came to me, panting asking up. He licked my tears while we left the tiny grave. I do believe, that Teddy was taking his last playtime on earth. He'll join all the other dogs waiting for their humans. I am so very glad he had one day where life was good. He has his wings now, he earned them well.

In the middle of the night, my phone rang. It always frightens me. The first thing I think of, is that a family member or friend needs me. Or the call will be about an animal in distress. This call was both. A friend had a small dog called Tish. Her dog has been very sick for a long time. Old age, arthritis, stomach problems, and cancer. The vet had provided excellent care for Tish, including pain medication. It had reached a point where the small dog was suffering. It was time.

The phone ringing in the night was a request for me to take Tish to the vet, and stay with her while she was put to sleep. People have such different views on allowing an animal an easy death. Some can't bring themselves to accompany the dog, other's think it is a duty to the animal that one must put themselves through. The bottom line for me is, to not judge the owner, I do what I can for the dog.

I drove over to my friends home, stopping to pick up a volunteer who would drive as I held the animal. Tish's mom looked as if she had aged ten years. She was overwhelmed with grief, sobbing as I took her dog out of her arms. Tish wasn't very responsive. Her body was so thin, and in pain. I wrapped her in a soft pink blanket and quickly left the house.

At the clinic all was ready. Soft music playing, the lighting dimmed, gentle hands and voices. My heart ached, tears flowed. I always dread the moment when I see the needle, and know there are only moments left. I cradled that tiny sick dog, kissed her, whispered in her ear that she had been the best little dog ever, that her mama loved her, and that she would be going to a place where the sun would shine, there would be no pain, she could play until her mom came to join her. For one brief moment, Tish looked at me. She was so tired. She gave me a small lick. I stroked her fur, held her close, felt her small body go limp, and just like that, it was over.

I'm always shaken. Tish was here, alive, then gone. I held her body for a long time, rocking her, patting the little bundle, whispering love into an ear that could no longer hear. There is something beautiful on those final moments. It is like time stands still, nothing moves, a sense of peace fills me. I will mourn and cry. It will haunt me, except for one thing that seems to happen each and every time I accompany a dog for the final moment. The vet says it is only my heighteded senses, listening for the heart to stop beating. I know different. I hear a fluttering sound. It's the beating of angel wings as they arrive to take another beloved pet to the rainbow bridge and beyond. When I hear that, I know I may leave, my part, my duty is done. Tish is at rest.

Written for Tish, and if possible with thanks to her Angels who carried her to the other side.

In Remembrance of My Sami

Ch. Sunburst Bewitched
September 2, 1992-April 13, 2005

You came into my life and I thought you were too good for me. But soon you showed me how to love you. You were loving and gentle, funny and sweet, with never a bad day or a bad mood. You were a wonderful friend, buddy, mother, show dog, couch potato, bed hog, and beautiful soul. I miss you so much. Sometimes I still think I hear you barking, telling me it's time to go to sleep. I see you in the eyes of your children. I love you, Sami. Thank you for sharing your life with me.

Carlotta

The Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together…

Not too long ago, I went through a very difficult lost. My Madison, an eight years old Shih tzu died of lung cancer. It was October 7th, 2006, and it still feels like yesterday. The acute pain has subsided some, but the sense of loss, the intense desire of touching my little guy and listening to him bark at the door every time I got home, even if I was only gone for a few minutes, is still as intense as it was then. I have lost other dogs before, but Madison lost was harder… We were very closed, always watching for each other, always there for each other. I still remember how devastated I felt when the veterinarian told me Madi's diagnosis. I just could not believe that was happening to him, and at such an early age. When I inquired to the Vet how could have Madi come up with lung cancer, when he was never exposed to cigarettes at home or any other toxic substances that I knew could cause lung cancer, her answer was "bad luck". And she was right it just felt like "bad luck" at the time. I have just have my father diagnosed with esophageal cancer a few months before Madi's diagnoses, and now Madi. I helped my father go through extensive surgery and many months of chemotherapy, and now that my father was finally feeling better, this was happening to Madi. Yes, back luck it was. But, over time I realized that it was not bad luck. I still don't know why Madi died so young, and with such a strange diagnosis, and I might never know, but I know that Madi's death was not in vane. Madi was a special "kid" and his death was a very hard learning experience, painful it was, and it still is. Madi, been gone from this world made me realized one more time how our stay here is just temporary, and how much we take it for granted. Madi did not have a chance, he died within two weeks of being diagnosed, but he did not worry, because he didn't have to, he didn't know how to. Madi had his mommy with him up to his last minute, to his last breath, as painful as it was for me, but he didn't deserve less, and I could not give him less. Putting Madi to sleep was one of the most difficult things I have ever done in my entire life, but I could not let him suffer, he did not deserve to suffer.

Now, Madi is not physically with "mommy" but his legacy has been an unforgettable one, with many memories of love, hugs, kisses, barks, tail wagging, laughs, even tears.

Madi was there with me always….

Madi, mommy loves you. I will always be with you, even when I am here. I promise, I promise.

"Mommy"

From the deepest part of my heart to Madi,

Dr. Alfonso